Umm I'm too high to move.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
