Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
