Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
im holly from the hills drunk
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
