He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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