Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
