So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
