Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
