I looked at my own cervix.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
