Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize