people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
