she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
