He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
