for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Drunk is a universal language darling
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
