when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Four minutes until I can fart!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
