my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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