There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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