Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
