I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
