I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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