Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
