Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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