What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She told me I should be a condom model.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
