So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
