you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
