I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
