So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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