Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
