yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
