a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
