once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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