I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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