I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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