I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
