So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
