i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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