well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
