All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
