I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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