So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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