I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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