dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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