so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
