someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
