i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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