What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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