he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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