did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I faked an abortion last night.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
