Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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