the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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