we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
