chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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