i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
