I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
