YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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