Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
