Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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