u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Randomize
