Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
