What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
