I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
