I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize