What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
