My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize