You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
