I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
