Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
