It was confusing and full of hummus
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
