Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
