My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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